Finding home

The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you" ...So Abram went, as the Lord had told him.

When I reflect on the story of Abram, I'm not sure whether I think Abraham was a lucky guy or not. Initially I think of how personal God appears to be by specifically choosing Abram to be one of the cornerstones in God's work with the story of Israel. As well as how God directly interacts with Abram- speaking to him with clear direction in what Abram needs to do.

There have been many of times when I just sit and dwell on God's direction for my life. It took a while for me to understand that there is plenty of direction given throughout the entirety of the bible- that God is somehow everywhere, and that I don't need to be in any given place to seek or follow God. But still, that intimate encounter, to speak with God, and hear God respond in the same way we interact with fellow human beings.

I'm not underestimating the power of prayer (or maybe I am because of how much I lack prayer in my life), but why can't God respond to us directly as He/She did with Abraham. Wouldn't it have been nice if when we chose to believe in Jesus, all of a sudden God would interact with us like this on a daily level?

ME: Hey God, what's up
GOD: Lots is up, would you like to hear everything going on, or would you like me to respond like your fellows, ahem not much, what is up with you?
ME: Well, you see God, I feel lonely most days and I feel like I don't have much of a home or family right now.

I guess it's a little ridiculous that I'm attempting to write out a conversation between God and me...

Anyways, back to the purpose of this post (what's the purpose again?)

 I also see how difficult it must have been for Abraham to up and leave, his home country, his friends and some of his community, his comfort and familiarity to follow God, who he just seemed to have met. It seems like God chose the right dude though. I mean Abraham followed. Just as the Lord had told him to do. I don't think I'd do it willingly if life was comfortable at that time that the Lord spoke. But maybe Abraham was in some tough times himself and felt desperate to follow.

However I can relate to Abraham in a mild way. Although I was not spoken to directly from God I felt that the sin and darkness in my life had manifested inwardly and outwardly so strongly that life felt so meaningless and hopeless- that I needed to leave my home. The ways of the Kingdom of God was becoming of no interest to me- and in the contrary to the Kingdom of heaven, temporary and self seeking pleasures became my new way of life.

I left my home, my land in Toronto- my friends, and church community whom I considered to be made up of some of my closest family (which was unlike Abrahams leave, but a consequence of my actions). I live in Hamilton now, really its just down the road though. But despite the humour one may find in my attempt to relate to the difficulties Abraham faced in his leave- my daily life consists of mainly new people (minus the Marlows, who have provided me with a lot of love), new places, unfamiliarity, loneliness, discomfort, and a very long list of regretful memories that bring shame and guilt.

On this journey of recovery- that is recovery from a very dark way of life- I hope to be like Abraham. Despite the lack of conversation that I wish it to look like when I interact with God, I hope to be still, to listen, and to follow God's will in all His/Her truth and recognize the life and joy that following God can bring. I hope to be like Abraham in not hesitating to follow God's way.

Here's to a long and bumpy road ahead of me.